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10, 000 BC 5 out of 10
Running time: 1:45 MPAA rating: PG-13 (Sequences of intense action and violence.) Peruvian rating: Mayores de 14
Cast: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis, Joel Virgel, Affif Ben Badra, Mo Zinal, Nathanael Baring.
Director:
Roland Emmerich
Photography:
Ueli Steiger |
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I never know what to expect from a Roland Emmerich movie. He's made really bad films (Stargate, Godzilla), mildly entertaining ones (Universal Soldier, Independence Day) and really cool ones (The Patriot, The Day After Tomorrow.) Unfortunately enough, 10,000 BC ended up belonging to the first category. The film is bad, and although it doesn't achieve the level of badness of an Uwe Boll flick, it's pretty crappy not because one can laugh at its unintentionally hilarious moments, or because it's got horrible CGI or laughably ridiculous historical inaccuracies. 10, 000 BC is bad because it's boring. Soulless.
10,000 B.C. tells the story of D'Leh (Steven Strait) and Evolet (Camilla Belle), a couple destined to free their people from the "four-legged demons". They are in love, like most heroic couples are, but can't seem to be together for more than a couple of minutes - destiny always interferes with their relationship. Evolet suggests they should run away together, but D'Leh doesn't want to - his dad supposedly escaped from his village years ago when a prophecy concerning the "last hunt" was first said. One day, a group of mounted warriors ("four-legged demons") arrives at the village to capture everyone and destroy everything. They take most of the tribe, including beautiful Evolet. D'Leh escapes, and with the help of legendary hunter Tic'Tic (Cliff Curtis), rival Ka'Ren (Mo Zinal) and young Baku (Nathanael Baring), he beings a journey to hunt down their enemies and free Evolet, along with the rest of their people.
The problem with 10 000 BC lies within its very plot. Simply put, the storyline Emmerich wishes the audience to enjoy is too boring and perfunctory for it to work. D'Leh's journey is tedious, and doesn't become by any means epic or exciting. Although Emmerich uses - and abuses of - aerial shots (which seem to be taken directly from The Lord of the Rings) and makes use of slow-motion shots and other "epic" filmmaking techniques, he never manages to make the viewer interested on what's happening on-screen. "Action" sequences are poorly-executed and didn't excite me at all, and computer animation is really crappy - the big, woolly mammoths look fake and cartoony, and the saber-tooth-tigers are more obviously computer-generated than Narnia's Aslan. They're supposed to be scary - instead, they only look like big, CGI kitties.
Another problem that I found was too stupid to believe lies in the historical inaccuracies. I mean, I don't expect a history lesson from a Roland Emmerich movie - believe me, The Patriot was not accurate at all -, but this is too much. 10 000 BC is so anachronistic it's ridiculous. It's supposed to take place on 10 000 BC, but for some reason, things like pyramids and the English language make an appearance. It looks like Emmerich wanted to create a mixture of different cultures, languages and historical moments; if that was his purpose, he shouldn't have titled his flick with a frigging' date. One could consider watching this movie like a fantasy set in an alternate universe or something, and although this could make it more bearable, it's almost impossible due to Emmerich's amateurish direction - which tries to hide all the blood and violence in freakin' battle sequences in order to obtain a PG-13 rating -, the boring and clichéd storyline, and the over-the-top score, which reminded me too much of King Arthur's music. (Believe me, that is NOT a good thing.)
Well, at least performances are not that bad. I hadn't seen Steven Strait in anything - I think - before watching this movie, which is a good thing, because when we see D'Leh, we see the character, not a superstar. That said, he wasn't that good - a little on the stiff side and too boring for my taste - but he handled the horrible screenplay in a respectable manner. Beautiful actress Camilla Belle (The Ballad of Jack and Rose, When a Stranger Calls, Steven Seagal's environmental flick) doesn't have much to do, but provides with eye candy and as much acting capabilities as her character demands. Supporting performances by Cliff Curtis (it's one of those actors I like in everything he does), Joel Virgel, Affif Ben Badra, Mo Zinal and Nathanael Baring are not bad, and Omar Sharrif's narration adds up some class to the proceedings. It's too bad all these artists - including Sharrif - have to utter such retarded lines, though.
Ultimately, although I can't say I wasn't kinda entertained by 10,000 BC, - it had a couple of unintentionally funny moments - it's such an obviously bad, big-budget movie, that it ended up frustrating me. Believe me, a film of this kind has certain potential that a more capable group of filmmakers could exploit, but Emmerich and his team decided to create a silly mixture of cultures, languages and anachronisms that doesn't convince - that's why the movie fails. Granted, performances aren't bad, and photography is sometimes impressive-looking, but due to all the bad CGI, horribly directing, silly lines of dialogue and boring action sequences, 10 000 BC doesn't manage to entertain. I can't imagine anyone enjoying this motion picture.
©2008 Sebastián Zavala - Star Wars Epica