Star Reviews - Film Criticism by Sebastián Zavala

Robert Zemeckis' Beowulf was released in American theatres about two weeks ago, and in Peruvian theatres almost a week ago. So why in the world haven't I written a review? Well, there's this thing here in Peru called "Día del Cine", or "Movies day", and it's done about three or four times a year. The thing is, basically, that for one Sunday, all movie ticket prizes are lowered from S/. 15 soles (the equivalent of $5 dollars) to S/. 2.50. (The equivalent of ONE-FREAKING-DOLLAR.) All this is done for the sake of fighting against piracy (yeah right) and the movie theatres become excessively full for one day. This means, it's impossible for me to go a theatre in a "Movies day", and since last Sunday was a "Movies day", I simply wasn't able to go to the theatres, meaning I haven't seen Beowulf... yet. I'm probably watching it this Friday with my girlfriend - not exactly a date movie, I know, but we don't care, hehe - and my review will be available sometime on Saturday.

Well, then, I guess that's the reason I mostly do reviews for old movies or films I watch on DVD: I only get to go to theatres once a week, mainly because I'm a normal human being and not a professional movie reviewer. And since I have a pretty large collection of films on DVD, I decided to write reviews about them. I guess this means that, every week, I'll post between four and six reviews for old or newish movies available on DVD, and one or a maximum of two reviews for films currently playing on theatres. And I'm talking about movies currently playing on Peruvian theatres... so if I don't post reviews the moment movies are released on U.S. theatres, don't come complaining to me. I guess it's kind of a handicap I have because I live in a Latin American country, and most films aren't released on theatres at the same time as in the U.S.A.

Anyway, I really don't have much to write about, and since I've been having final exams the whole of last week and the whole of this week, I'm kind of intellectually tired. Yes, these are the exams which prepare us for the IB programme, which are based on real IB exams, and which are - normally - impossible to solve. Unless you're talking about an English or Spanish exam, which are ridiculously easy. (Don't ask me about my Maths exam, though... >.<) Anyway, this week has been pretty relaxed, since I've only had English and Spanish exams, and my last difficult exam - the Maths one.... - was one Monday. Because of this, I've been able to watch a couple of newly-bought DVDs (you guessed... PIRATE ONES!) and write reviews about them, and since tomorrow I'm having my last exam of the year, I guess I'm gonna have even more time to dedicate to the website from now on. And more time to go to theatres...

Well, up until now, the website is being pretty successful, and I hope my readers enjoy everything I write in here - yes, even these sometimes-grammatically-poor and sometimes-lousy commentaries. The main objective of this website is to provide the reader with insightful opinion of films and movie-related... stuff... and I just hope I'm fulfilling that aim. Random commentaries such as this one - which is being written while I talk on msn, read stuff on the Internet and listen to music all at the same time - should at least provide with some entertainment to visitors of this website, and comment about stuff related to films, the industry and all that. You know, if you have anything to say about my reviews or anything I write in here, just e-mail me. I'm more than willing to hear your comments, advice, and virtually anything you can tell me. (As long as it's constructive criticism and not offensive stuff.)

Since I'm not exactly a busy guy - not until next week when my end-of-year exams start, that is - I spend the majority of my school-time on the internet - either working on some history or whatever assignment, or just fooling around in websites such as www.imdb.com, www.comingsoon.net and others. The thing is, this afternoon I started watching Pearl Harbor while at the same time I was doing stuff on my computer. It had been some time since I last saw it, and well... it kinda sucked. Yeah, I know it's common knowledge that Pearl Harbor is not exactly a masterpiece, but I, for some reason, had memories of "coolness" from this movie. It may have to do with the fact that I was in my early teenage years when I first saw the film in theatres... anyway, I started looking up information about Michael Bay - Pearl Harbor's director, of course - and I decided to write something about him in this column.

Firstly, believe it or not, I don't think he sucks that much. Yeah, his movies normally lack "unimportant" things like stories, plot or character development, and normally focus on action, action and more action, but I don't think he's bad like, say, Uwe Boll. He's an expert on shooting action sequences, actually, but when he tries to shoot actors conversing, for example, he sucks. That's the bad thing about him, and that's why many of his movies have been mindless exercises on action, explosions, and shooting. I believe that, if for some reason, Bay decided to join with another filmmaker and co-direct a movie, with him directing the action sequences and the other guy/gal directing the dialogue scenes, character development, etc., they could make a pretty damn good movie. That said, the guy has many crappy movies, but not all of them are that bad, which takes me to something else: I wanna (briefly) "analyze" Michael Bay's filmography. So here it goes.

Bad Boys - I kinda enjoyed this action flick, but I also found it clichéd and lacking in plot and character development. Yes, both Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are likeable, and the action is shot with flair, but the camerawork is sometimes too frenetic and the plot and character archetypes are too clichéd for my taste. Not an impressive first film.

The Rock - Now this is much better. This time, not only do we have skilled actors such as Sean Connery, Nicholas Cage and Ed Harris, but the movie also contains a much more interesting and developed story, and more believable and fleshed-out characters. Additionally, the action sequences in this film are more compelling and easier to follow, and, as a whole, the movie is more entertaining and smarter. Definitely an improvement.

Armageddon - Now this is crappy. After making a so-so movie and a pretty entertaining action picture, Bay decides to go disastrous and make a dumb, end-of-the-world film, in which drillers end up saving the world and, apparently, sound and fire can be heard and made in space. Everything is overdone, from the president's over-the-top speech to the amazing quantities of slow-motion shots and the "tear-jerker" scenes which cause laughter instead of sadness. It's compelling in a visceral level and the special effects are pretty good, but the movie is too dumb for my taste.

Pearl Harbor - Not as bad as Armageddon, but still pretty crappy. Instead of giving us an interesting and intense account of the Pearl Harbor attack, Bay makes a movie about a romantic triangle with underdeveloped characters and laughable dialogue. The attack itself has a duration of about 20 minutes and, since it's pretty impressive and realistic, makes the rest of the film feel boring and pointless.

Bad Boys II - Ah, more crap! Yes, the first installment wasn't exactly a masterpiece, but this is too much. Every action sequence is overdone, the deaths are too gruesome for a mindless summer action movie, and the humour is dumb and not funny at all. Bay seems to like overkill... literally. One just has to watch the main bad guy's final demise... poor fellow.

The Island - Well, this is much better. Being one of Bay's better and smarter films, I will never understand why it performed so poorly at the box office. Anyway, the movie deals with interesting themes and ideas related to ethics, cloning and others and, surprisingly enough, aren't overshadowed by the action sequences, which are more creative and exciting than the ones in, say, Bad Boys II. Well done Mr. Bay; it's not perfect, but it's an improvement.

Transformers - Believe it or not, this is my favorite Michael Bay movie; one just has to read my review to notice that. The movie, although neither dumb nor intelligent, is pretty entertaining and fun, and the performances, especially the one by Shia LaBeouf, are compelling and believable. The characters are likeable and the story is interesting, but the movie's main attraction are the special effects, which are impressive and breath-taking. It's quite a spectacle.

Yup, Michael Bay has had quite an irregular carreer and, although he has made pretty crappy movies, I don't think he's that bad a director. Like I said, he should join with another filmmaker and focus on the action, while the other guy/gal directs the rest. If he doesn't that, well... I guess he should be more careful at chosing better scripts... at least he has been successful at that with his last two films. Yeah, Michael Bay will always be a controversial guy, and there will always be people who will hate both him and his movies. Yeah, he can be pretty crappy, but as films like The Island and Transformers prove, he can also make pretty entertaining motion pictures.